I had begun to learn and get to know this incredible person and then life came and he moved away. All the way to fucking Tennessee, ugh.
Now it’s years later and I’m about to get married and I see you and “I Remember” by the Isley Brothers just keeps playing in my mind, wondering “if you still want me/if you still need me/if you still love me”. And so I wasn’t surprised much when you came knocking on my doorstep asking if this is really what I wanted to do, asking “Do you really want to get married, knowing that we never got a fair shot, a fair chance at us?” I’m not a cheater, but I couldn’t help but be thinking about what it would be like to kiss those lips again, what it would be like to wrap my legs around you and embrace you again. But I couldn’t hurt the one I’m with now, that wouldn’t be fair. So I asked you “Why now? After all these years, all the opportunities you could’ve taken to check in on me, ask me out for tea or dinner, why do you wait until I’m about to be married to do this?!” And you just stood there and said to me, among the silence of the grass and the crickets and half crescent moon “Because you asked me once ‘Do I love easily?” and I told you I do not. But that all became a lie once I met you. I loved you as easy as I could breathe. And the thought of you getting married without me being able to tell you that, freely, without anything regrets, didn’t come to me until I was realized I was suffocating, and the reason was because you weren’t there. You weren’t there, in my daily life, to tell me to shut up and or tell me I’m an old man when I say something corny or to laugh with me to something dumb you or I did. I realized when I was sitting at my dining room table, holding you invitation in my hand, that the reason I couldn’t breathe, the breath that I had been holding, the something wrong I was looking for, was you. And I technically didn’t wait til the last minute because I came here to tell you that “I love you” and I want you to think about how you feel, sleep on it and hopefully wake up tomorrow to say that “you hate to love me to!”. Should I continue?
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